i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
