Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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