I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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