I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
