shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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