I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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