You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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