I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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