don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
