i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
