That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
