Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
