Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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