Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize