i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
