Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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