I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
