Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
