woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
