I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
