So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
