I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
