So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
