i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
