hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
