he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
