Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
