you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
