remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
