They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
