your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
