dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
