Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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