walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
