break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
