Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
