also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
