There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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