I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I look better un-naked...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
