He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
