So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
