I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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