In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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