how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize