someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
