Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize