Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize