I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
