I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
