So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
