u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
