I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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