Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
