Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
