Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So vagazzling was a success
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
