Small penises have feelings too.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
