Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
