Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i came on her dog
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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