I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize