i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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