Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
