Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
