Where did you get a picture of my penis
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
only you would photoshop your dick
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
