Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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