Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
