Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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