I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
