I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
