so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
