I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
