thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
