i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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