It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize