My first STD was from a foam party
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
