I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
