I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
