i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
