ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
