just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
