Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
