i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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