I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
