operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
